Western guys VS. Thai girls (And my view)

Classic, cliché topic isn’t it? 

But today I want to talk (write) about it from my point of view. 

We were at Bellino in Thonglor 13 on Saturday evening. The restaurant/bar was very nice, comfy and cozy. It feels like a hidden spot in the middle of hectic Thonglor. 

Most of the customers we saw that day were mostly Westerners. Many Western guys came with their Thai girls, sitting at their tables next to the bar inside, or at the couch outside. 

I was also with 2 Western guys; my boyfriend and his friend. I walked in, glanced around at all the Farang-Thai couples, and their appearances, atmosphere and everything else hit me like, why oh why, this kind of scene really fits the streotype of Farang guys and Thai girls in Bangkok, or perhaps Thailand in general.

It also seems to be the stereotype from quite a few of my friends; be it in Tokyo, Shanghai, or Bangkok, these white men seem to think it’s so easy, too easy to get Asian girls. I’ve heard it again and again. 

And I can’t resist rolling my eyes. 

I wish I could tell them that, first, these girls who are hunting Farang or desperately want Farang boyfriends are most certainly can’t be used to represent the image of Thai girls in general. 

Isn’t it natural that Farang men would be exposed to the kind of girl that wanna catch them, because they seek for financial security or whatever reason these girls are after? (I’m not judging, if it works out for them, it’s good for both parties) Naturally, these girls would choose to hang out at places they can catch their targets attention.

But that doesn’t mean all Thai girls are that easy to get. 

There are plenty others who are definitely not into Farang, because of language and cultural barrier, or many other different things that could put them off. And they would naturally not be in places these Farang go. 

Even in my circle of friends, which many have studied abroad, are exposed to different cultures, speak 2-3 languages, it still doesn’t mean all of them have positive attitude toward Farang. In fact, quite a few have hostile feelings toward them. 

Then, the conversation shifted to the expat side. I’ve never given much thought about it, but they were talking about how difficult it is for expats in Thailand to find a “good, decent Thai girl.” (Quoted our conversation here. Be noted that the word “good” is subjective) 

Here are the reasons;

1) “Good” Thai girls are taken.

2) “Good” Thai girls don’t go where Farang go. They always hang out in their own group, very secluded in their own circles. Farang can’t get into those circles. 

Some other reasons is, even though there could be many “good, decent Thai girls,” if they have never been exposed to international setting, most of the time there is a huge cultural and communication gap. It is too challenging trying to make the relationship work. The lifestyles between Thais and expats can be hugely different, so it’s difficult to find connection with Thais. 

That makes sense, I guess. 

 I actually dislike it when people say I’m into Farang men. It always reminds me of the “Farang men and Thai girls” stigma that has been around ever since I could remember.  

Honestly and sincerely, I most certainly am not crazy about blonde hair, blue eyes, high nose, long eyelashes (yep…) or whatever the outer appearance is. In fact, I don’t mind where they are from, I even joked with friends that “It’s free trade. All nationalities are welcomed,” if they have what I need in a relationship.

It’s the mindset I’m always looking for, be it Thai or Farang or any nationality. 

Speaking from own experiences, what I can find in Farang, but not in Asian men I’ve met so far, is simply the openmindedness. With Westerners, I can always express my thoughts and feelings much better no matter what they are about, and they tend to accept those differences quite well, unlike Asian men who in general (again from my experiences so far) are more narrow-minded, and think there is a certain pattern or way of how a woman should behave, act, or even think.

That really makes me feel too restricted. I have to fit the role of being a “proper girl”

You drink too much? Some Thai guys would start judging you are the bad ones. You sleep with the guy you date within a few weeks? Pfft, definitely a slut. You go to his house too soon? Come on, why are you such an easy girl?

The list is endless. 

There is always something hidden or expected of you to act like a “good girl” 

With Westerners, I feel I am more accepted as a human being. No jokes. 

I can be who I want, and say what I want. And it’s a good feeling to be just me.  

There are many other qualities as well, like how relationship feels more mature; being able to give each other privacy and space, as well as mutual respect, unlike many Thai relationships I heard about which seem to be crazy on controlling and being jealous to each other. 

Sometimes I think perhaps life could be easier if I loved a Thai-Chinese boy and we were oblivious in our own Thai-Chinese bubble with our families and such. That’s another thing for many Thai-Chinese backgrounds, they don’t really view Farang as rich or desirable number one like some girls in this country may do. 

But I can’t change how I am. For this, I really have to pick what makes me happy.

Somehow, even with cultural and language differences, I have felt more connected to Western men I have dated, than many other Thais who speak the same language and share the same culture with me. 

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18 Replies to “Western guys VS. Thai girls (And my view)”

  1. I think this is a case of not accepting that you are also to an extent similar to the girls you talk of, your just in denial for it. Scenario here i know quite a number of non white foreigners from the west here. Now the question is would you go out with them ? Would you overlook the skin color and appreciate the character. I am sorry to say but I realized there are two discriminatory mind sets that exist, firstly is the naive one where it’s just the skin color, and second the one where I feel you fall is justifying that it’s because of the compatibility of nature and not race. There are a lot of non white westerners out there too who are highly educated, would girls look at them ?

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    1. Hi James,

      Thanks for the comment! I appreciate it.

      And to answer your question, yes in fact I did 🙂 I dated an Asian expat and also Thais before, because like I wrote, I did think they were interesting, personality-wise.

      Actually, my intention wasn’t pointing fingers at anyone or accusing anyone at all. I was born in Bangkok, and has lived here almost all my life for 20 something years now, and I just wrote what I see on a regular basis. I used a lot of words in this post like “stereotype” “in general” “naturally” but of course there are exceptions, just like everything else in life.

      This post was meant to be documented what I see. But I most certainly can’t judge and don’t judge how the relationship works between each couple as each relationship is totally different.

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  2. My comments would take a whole blog at the start of reading this. At the end of this story it sort of twisted and only have 10 pages in reply to post. You forgot to mention that most Thai girls that do stay with Thai guys for a long time from young age get kicked out at about the age of 24-28 when its time to get married to the choice their families made. Thai girls are being used by Thai guys for years and left for dirt. But hey hey. Thats Thai style and nothing to do with the Farangs.

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    1. Hi Ray,
      Thanks for the comment.
      Honestly I am not sure what you meant by “get kicked out” and “being used” also “left for dirt” I am afraid I have no comments or anything to add further because these are the terms I am not familiar with, as I am quite certain none of my friends or people I know have experienced this problem. Many of us are from protective families, and I doubt they would let anyone “use” their daughters and be left for “dirt,” be it Farang or Thais or any guy, from any nationality, for that matter.

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  3. I agree with the fact that it’s difficult to get GOOD Thai girls because they are all taken or hang out in their own circles where foreign guys don’t go.

    However anything else is just bullshit and you aren’t different from the other girls. Every girl says this, didn’t you know that? Hope you paid for your drinks when you when out with your bf or do you expect him to pay for you every time? I think I know the answer….
    Thai girls want financial security and attention by having a foreign bf. I had several girlfriends and I stopped looking for serious relationship because it’s impossible here. One of them lies about other guys, the other one is a gold digger, the third one is ugly or stupid, the fourth one doesn’t want to stay in Thailand and is going to leave you anyway, the fifth one just wants to show off that she got a ‘Farang guy’ and is so boring, the sixth one….. and so on. I’ve never met a normal girl who isn’t jealous or doesn’t steal my phone to look at my private texts. Get your facts straight, girl.

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    1. Ah, in that case I feel bad for you. Sorry to hear about serial bad dating experiences. That must be terrible indeed.

      If you are fixated on that fact I suppose what I am going to say is not going to change your mind. You can believe it or not, it is entirely up to you, but like I said I value “mutual respect” afraid I can’t relate to “sneaking around to check phones” “expecting him to pay every time” and all the things you mentioned. Those relationships must have been terrifying! I’m glad you successfully got out of them!

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      1. Not just several girls… There were too many of ’em. I tried so hard. Most of you don’t respect our culture and I used to hear that mysterious sentence that you would love to learn our culture. Well I never got too much respect. I have to fully respect and understand Thai culture in relationships (sometimes stupid and I disagree) but I get ignorance when my understanding is different. I come from another country and I’ve grown up in a different place. Then these girls expect me to change? Things like how I react when the food delivery is late, when I see a stupid driver almost hitting me on the road, when the retail worker is a lazy slum… I’m always the wrong one in these girls’ eyes. Just so ignorant. Never listen to me and never learn. Then what with the cultural learning??? I think that only means that ‘oh white farang has money’.

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  4. there are normal farangs and defective ones – in Thailand many of them are defective and never made it in their homelands….ie alcoholism etc, so many Thai women are exposed to a large percentage of defective farang thus making up their opinion.

    finding a normal good farang is as hard as it is to find a normal, good Thai woman – my experience is they are never found in bars or drinking establishments of any kind.

    in the end what makes a relationship real and successful in the West is true in Thailand.

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    1. Very true! I totally agree with you on that. I can speak from my own experiences as I met them through work and work-related events. Not in bars or drinking establishments.

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    2. And I can definitely feel that many Farang in Thailand seem to be “different” from the ones I met in the West when I lived there. I suppose Asia has changed them, in many different ways for some!

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  5. Natta,

    You cover so many different aspects that it’s hard to know where to start.

    First off, I think everybody is always judging everyone else. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Thai/Farang couples you were judging weren’t also looking at you and thinking many of the same thoughts. Such is Thailand. Such are human beings. 🙂

    Second, I don’t think it’s difficult to meet good Thai women. It’s filtering out all of the bad ones in the process that trips most people up.

    Almost every expat comes to Thailand and immediately has a huge target painted on their back. Fresh off the plane, they are easy to manipulate and if they are told, “This is Thai culture” enough times they start to believe it.

    Boy meets girl. Girl’s need for money can never be satisfied. Boy goes broke or gets fed up and leaves.

    That’s the best case scenario. Way too many guys never get to that point and they just jump around from bad girl to bad girl.

    Unfortunately, Thailand is a place where it’s really easy to get into a downward spiral. You’re thousands of miles away from home, no accountability, nobody who cares enough to step in.

    So, one girl breaks their heart, they start drowning themselves in booze, and they meet the next one. And the next one and the next one after that.

    Hopefully the farang “graduates” from his initial schooling in Thai women and he then vows to only date “good” Thai girls.

    Since he has no idea what a good Thai girl actually is, he figures that it’s any girl with a job. Since the first girls he encountered when he arrived all worked in bars or unemployed, he wants to meet an office girl.

    The only problem is, they’re not all angels either. Many of them are just as bad as the girls he met when he was fresh off the plane.

    Some guys meet the right girl very quickly and they tell everyone that office girls are the only way to go. Some get a bad one or two or three and they go on the internet and tell everyone that all Thais are bad.

    I call it Expat Evolution (or devolution, depending on how you look at it).

    Third, and please don’t take this the wrong way, but I just think you’re a little too young to be seeing the bigger picture. You’re still at a stage in your own evolution where your eyes are opening to new truths but you don’t actually understand those truths yet. You will one day. Hopefully. 🙂

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    1. Thanks for the comment.

      First, I’m really not sure why it comes off as “judging” I don’t think I wrote anything but the word “Different” and each relationship is uniquely different in its own way, isn’t it? I also said if it works out for them, it’s good for them, and it really none of my business to “judge” how relationship should or shouldn’t work, for anyone.

      This is my honest thought. I’m not sure why so many people took it the wrong way. As far as I know I didn’t use words like “better” or “superior” or anything like it.

      It’s just different. That’s all it really is.

      Second, of course, there are both good and bad, no matter where the girls are from. I probably wasn’t clear enough on this, but I meant good as in decent background, educated. Of course it doesn’t mean all girls with the good background = Angels. It most certainly isn’t.

      Again, I did use a lot of words like “Stereotype” in what I wrote as well.

      For the experience on money part, it seems to be a huge topic among Farang living in Thailand. Afraid I can’t share because I’ve got no personal experience on that one.

      All I mean is, it’s really all trials and errors. You try to date until you find what you want. Isn’t it the same just like in any other relationships? If you like a bar girl, want to marry one, and both of you are happy, why should you care?

      Like I said, people can do whatever they want if that makes them happy. They can like good or bad girl or ladyboy or whoever they want, seriously. Aren’t we all adults?

      Third, I may be young but not that young anymore. Of course I believe everyone is going through “evolution” you talked about. 5 years from now I could see think differently. It’s normal, and I fully understand it’s all a part of the process.

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  6. It’s a man’s world in Thailand. Has been for centuries. The powers that be instilled in women the fact that to keep a man happy you must look after your man. I don’t mean waiting on him hand and foot. I mean caring deeply about his needs and wants.
    As a Farang who has been living in Thailand off and on for 25 years I have to say that there are two types of Farangs.
    The first type will go to any length to find a decent girl, and by that I mean one that is educated, moral and cultured. This means they will live there for some time and move into the cultural social landscape to find his suitable mate.
    The other Farang is the lazy one who only wishes to spend enough money on a holiday to find his mate. The only women he meets are at bars. This is his only experience with Thai women in general. She won’t speak much English, comes from up country, has motives of her own and will make it quite clear that she wants out of the country and he is her meal ticket to that freedom.
    Mentioning about Thai men…well they have their own secretive way of visiting the night life areas. Where Farangs are very open about their desires and will visit the party hard areas like Patpong etc, Thai men drive into special love hotels and a curtain draws in behind their car to obscure their number plates and hence their identity. It’s a lot more subtle, but the same things go down under the covers.
    When the Farangs that bring their bar girls back to their respective countries a lot of them have trouble fitting in socially unless they find another similar couple. Often those friendships don’t last because they are like a mirror of their own relationship and the mirror doesn’t reflect a very comfortable picture.
    I have been approached on the street by similar couples while walking with my Thai wife of 24 years and more or less been begged to be their friends. My wife takes one look at the woman and says….er….let’s get outa here.
    They are then left to hanging out at Thai Festivals where they hope to fit in, but still the cringe factor is ever present.
    It’s a wonder they stay together at all judging by the limit of the girl’s English. You stay, me go bai dalart (I shall go to the market)…Huh?….you…you stay here….etc…..
    Most Western women don’t like being in Thailand with their husbands as they always have to keep a constant vigil to make sure he is not being lured by any of the dusky maidens that make themselves available to the man at the drop of a hat.
    I have touched lightly on the topic, but you get my general opinion. I know it doesn’t match with everyone’s idea, but hey…nobody is judging me. It’s just my opinion.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Andrew,

      Thanks for sharing.

      That’s what I intended to do by writing this blog post too, sharing and documenting what I see in this country.

      Whatever works between each couple, it’s totally their own business. I just wrote the normal “pattern” I notice a lot in Bangkok.

      Obviously, just as many stereotypes, there are exceptions as well.

      Like you said “It’s just my opinion”

      Like

  7. Natta …
    Thank you for your open and honest (and mildly naïve) comments. First, your Thai view of the world is reflected in the word “farang”, which you use generously in your references to non-Asian males. We Americans (where your Regent was born) refer to Asians from their country of birth. We don’t call you gooks, we call you Thais. Just as I wouldn’t insult a Chinese man by calling him Japanese.
    Secondly, you describe decent Thai girls as unavailable to “farang” do to breeding, social status, and quite simply – circumstance of birth.
    Well, let me enlighten you – had the gifted ones in Krungthep, 100-years ago built aqueducts and water systems in the North, you wouldn’t have the national discontent you have today. No – you know what you have today? An abundant nation where the disparity of wealth is oppressive.
    So … please , no more “Hi-So” ดูถูก of your girls from the Isaan. It’s wrong and invites เวรกรรม …

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    1. In that case I have nothing else to say, if you think what I wrote is about “looking down” when I just wanted to express that “it’s different” I guess no matter what I try to explain, it’s not going to change your mind. And I think we both are wasting our time. I feel bad for you, having to read all that and wasting your time writing an essay about it.

      Have a great evening.

      Oh, and no need to talk in superior tone like “enlighten” So … please, no more ดูถูก that’s all I got to say.

      Like

  8. Interesting read! I guess it hits home because I moved to Thailand as a young man (22) and stayed for several years. Eventually, I met my now wife, who was an office worker at a local government building, and we married and returned to my home country (something I wanted, but now my wife likes a lot) I didn’t and never wanted to live in Bangkok as I don’t care for big cities; I lived in a small town outside Bangkok. No offense intended, but I guess I just don’t put much stock in your experience. Yours is most certainly not a typical Thai girl’s experience. You traveled abroad, you seem to have very progressive ideals (a good thing, IMO), and you are (I’m guessing) a member of a wealthy family (not the typical Thai). You wouldn’t know what a typical Thai experience because that just isn’t your own. That said, at least in the rest of the country (NOT Pattaya, BKK, Phuket, etc), a lot of Thai girls are interested in Western men because there’s an element of the exotic. Everyone is curious about something they’ve never seen/had before. Also, by this time in your life, you should have dropped the word farang out your lexicon. Apart from using it (in Thai) to describe someone’s appearance, it’s essentially a racial slur.

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