Classic, cliché topic isn’t it?
But today I want to talk (write) about it from my point of view.
We were at Bellino in Thonglor 13 on Saturday evening. The restaurant/bar was very nice, comfy and cozy. It feels like a hidden spot in the middle of hectic Thonglor.
Most of the customers we saw that day were mostly Westerners. Many Western guys came with their Thai girls, sitting at their tables next to the bar inside, or at the couch outside.
I was also with 2 Western guys; my boyfriend and his friend. I walked in, glanced around at all the Farang-Thai couples, and their appearances, atmosphere and everything else hit me like, why oh why, this kind of scene really fits the streotype of Farang guys and Thai girls in Bangkok, or perhaps Thailand in general.
It also seems to be the stereotype from quite a few of my friends; be it in Tokyo, Shanghai, or Bangkok, these white men seem to think it’s so easy, too easy to get Asian girls. I’ve heard it again and again.
And I can’t resist rolling my eyes.
I wish I could tell them that, first, these girls who are hunting Farang or desperately want Farang boyfriends are most certainly can’t be used to represent the image of Thai girls in general.
Isn’t it natural that Farang men would be exposed to the kind of girl that wanna catch them, because they seek for financial security or whatever reason these girls are after? (I’m not judging, if it works out for them, it’s good for both parties) Naturally, these girls would choose to hang out at places they can catch their targets attention.
But that doesn’t mean all Thai girls are that easy to get.
There are plenty others who are definitely not into Farang, because of language and cultural barrier, or many other different things that could put them off. And they would naturally not be in places these Farang go.
Even in my circle of friends, which many have studied abroad, are exposed to different cultures, speak 2-3 languages, it still doesn’t mean all of them have positive attitude toward Farang. In fact, quite a few have hostile feelings toward them.
Then, the conversation shifted to the expat side. I’ve never given much thought about it, but they were talking about how difficult it is for expats in Thailand to find a “good, decent Thai girl.” (Quoted our conversation here. Be noted that the word “good” is subjective)
Here are the reasons;
1) “Good” Thai girls are taken.
2) “Good” Thai girls don’t go where Farang go. They always hang out in their own group, very secluded in their own circles. Farang can’t get into those circles.
Some other reasons is, even though there could be many “good, decent Thai girls,” if they have never been exposed to international setting, most of the time there is a huge cultural and communication gap. It is too challenging trying to make the relationship work. The lifestyles between Thais and expats can be hugely different, so it’s difficult to find connection with Thais.
That makes sense, I guess.
I actually dislike it when people say I’m into Farang men. It always reminds me of the “Farang men and Thai girls” stigma that has been around ever since I could remember.
Honestly and sincerely, I most certainly am not crazy about blonde hair, blue eyes, high nose, long eyelashes (yep…) or whatever the outer appearance is. In fact, I don’t mind where they are from, I even joked with friends that “It’s free trade. All nationalities are welcomed,” if they have what I need in a relationship.
It’s the mindset I’m always looking for, be it Thai or Farang or any nationality.
Speaking from own experiences, what I can find in Farang, but not in Asian men I’ve met so far, is simply the openmindedness. With Westerners, I can always express my thoughts and feelings much better no matter what they are about, and they tend to accept those differences quite well, unlike Asian men who in general (again from my experiences so far) are more narrow-minded, and think there is a certain pattern or way of how a woman should behave, act, or even think.
That really makes me feel too restricted. I have to fit the role of being a “proper girl”
You drink too much? Some Thai guys would start judging you are the bad ones. You sleep with the guy you date within a few weeks? Pfft, definitely a slut. You go to his house too soon? Come on, why are you such an easy girl?
The list is endless.
There is always something hidden or expected of you to act like a “good girl”
With Westerners, I feel I am more accepted as a human being. No jokes.
I can be who I want, and say what I want. And it’s a good feeling to be just me.
There are many other qualities as well, like how relationship feels more mature; being able to give each other privacy and space, as well as mutual respect, unlike many Thai relationships I heard about which seem to be crazy on controlling and being jealous to each other.
Sometimes I think perhaps life could be easier if I loved a Thai-Chinese boy and we were oblivious in our own Thai-Chinese bubble with our families and such. That’s another thing for many Thai-Chinese backgrounds, they don’t really view Farang as rich or desirable number one like some girls in this country may do.
But I can’t change how I am. For this, I really have to pick what makes me happy.
Somehow, even with cultural and language differences, I have felt more connected to Western men I have dated, than many other Thais who speak the same language and share the same culture with me.