First time I failed a lift – 105 kg deadlift

I failed a 105 kg deadlift yesterday.

Two attempts, and the weight couldn’t go up at all. It hardly moved.

That was the VERY first time it happened.

The coach said it isn’t a big deal. A lot of external factors come into play like sleep, my period cycle and on and on. That’s perfectly normal. It isn’t even a failure. How can you expect yourself to keep progressing ALL the time? Also that wouldn’t be the last time it was going to happen either. It will happen again and again. And that’s how you progress!

Can’t help feeling upset, though.

Have I told you I don’t cope with failures very well?

It probably is silly but here is why, to me, 105 kg deadlift really is NOT a stretched goal, considered I just did 100 kgs for 3 reps just a few weeks earlier. This should have been a breeze! The weight could have gone up somehow, maybe I wouldn’t have been able to lock out, maybe the form wouldn’t have been 100% perfect. I would have been okay with that, at least.

Not like it almost stuck to the ground like that. Not sure what happened there.

In fact, our coach called me out and said stop right then and there after 2 attempts. He saw my back started to curl and that was a no go. That is a good thing. So now I’m also left slightly paranoid that I placed too much weight on my lower back and it felt slightly funny today. Hmm…first of all, progressing and going up in numbers are cool, but the most important thing is correct technique and injury prevention. I would never risk myself for that. I need to look into this or talk to coaches more about lower back and deadlift. I get scared from time to time.

And I know the coach said “external factors” could be the reasons. But you see, for me the first thing I thought of “Wow, I’m shit. I suck” My first internal instinct is to blame myself, which isn’t good at all.

Also, though I said I don’t cope with failures well, I’ve definitely failed before. I failed job interviews. I failed that Japanese government scholarship exam, failed that scholarship screening in University of Bath. It didn’t affect me that much. For some failures, you were completely fine with them.

With our strength training and powerlifting program though, in a way it is like you compete with you and yourself. It feels like I have full responsibility to the outcome and if it’s shit then it’s all on ME. I walk up to the bar, set my feet in the deadlift position, lower my butt down, take a BIG deep breath, engage my core, and it really is just ME AND THE BAR. I knew yesterday I felt nervous as hell, approaching 105 kgs. First attempt I was rocking and swaying, didn’t keep my core as tight as I should have.

I did say in the end it is about the mind, isn’t it?

After that my working set was quite sloppy too. 92.5 kgs could have moved better than that. Yesterday for some reason I wasn’t feeling it.

Oh well. One of those days, they say.

Well, one good thing is my grip seems to be able to tolerate 100kg weight better. It didn’t hurt as bad as it used to. Grip got stronger! Also these days my DELOAD week is at 80 kgs, a couple months ago was around 70 kgs. So this means I got stronger, right!?

(Trying to be more positive here, you see…)

Anyway, I know I definitely am not fully dedicated to this. Nutrition is such a huge factor and I don’t eat enough protein. I keep repeating for the 100th time, but still haven’t changed anything.

It’s great to fail though. I just got excited and wrote all about a linear progress. But hey, maybe progress isn’t linear. There are always ups and downs. It’s about how you fail and come back better and stronger, isn’t it?

At this point one quote came into mind. It couldn’t be more true.

“Try again. Fail again. Fail better”

3 Replies to “First time I failed a lift – 105 kg deadlift”

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