In my late 20s, especially in my recent years, I’ve always felt fortunate that I can be “carefree” in life, for the most parts. True that I didn’t really have anything much, but I also don’t have any burden or responsibility, except for myself. 

I cherish that. I really do.  

I know one day there will be changes and I can’t stay carefree forever. But I did think I can take time, going my own pace, preparing myself to be ready for that future “burden” 

But that’s not life, is it? You can never predict this thing called life. 

Out of a sudden, an unseen external force changed things. It knocked me down, and I am totally thrown out of balance, unprepared.  

I’ve never felt “grown-up” as much as I do now. This is what it must feel like being a “real” grown-up; making big decisions about life, making financial plans, being responsible for other people, carrying this “burden” 

I’m also aware I’m such a baby, even though my age is old enough to have a family of my own and even have 2 children or something. It is embarrassing when you think about it. But now I know, and am still grateful I don’t have those kinds of responsibility. Clearly, I can’t. Mentally, at least. 

The positive thing in this, though, is, maybe it’s a fresh start of something new. It’s just a bit sooner than I expected. But perhaps this is a beautiful disaster, an opportunity in a crisis. 

And I will find a way in this, somehow. There will always be a way. And eventually everything will be ok. 

2017, big 30, it’s going to be quite a year. I already sensed it. Another year of life transition.