The most uneventful weekend ever

Yup, did everything against best digital marketing practice to catch your attention in 3 seconds by putting it out there how uneventful (Read: boring?) it is for me this weekend. HA!

It’s interesting in a way though, as I checked my Moleskine agenda, this is the FIRST weekend, the whole entire weekend, this year that I’ve been home all weekend long. And working only very, very little.

And I tend to go on here when I have time to “reflect” or rant I’m not so sure. I started and finished this fiction called Normal People by Sally Rooney here in a day. It was alright, quite interesting to get a glimpse of stories of 2 people struggling through life and battling depression. You see how damaged humans are in this kind of novel and it did make me feel depressed at one point (Why am I reading this!? I wonder). But it didn’t leave any great impact on me like all the great reviews and prizes this novel had claimed, and I probably wouldn’t recommend it to anyone else.

It’s been a fairly easy, relaxing April so far! Having said that, I started the first week by panicking, freaking out, and feeling intensely upset about the changes (most likely affected by PMS though…). I was and probably still am having a culture shock and still getting adjusted myself to this new environment. I have more work-life balance now for sure. As far as I know, most likely there will be no 3AM Line messages or emails anymore and I can rest assured that crazy life of mine is now over. But I am sure there will always be new problems and issues for me to solve, no matter where I go. Hey, that’s why we all work, don’t we? To solve problems!

It’s really just the beginning now. But as someone who has been on fast-paced, high pressured, dynamic environment for a while, it could feel strangely peaceful and…slow. Not saying which one is better than the other, and actually I don’t think being too fast or too slow is good, it’s just like I was thrown between different ends of spectrum. And it’s such a sharp contrast to me. Every element in the culture, be it system or people, is entirely different.

It’s also very different when you shift from an agency to a brand. And it hit me in the first week. Now I get it how they say you are surrounded by similar people in the agency and everyone understands each other because we all speak the same language. But when you are a brand, you have to work a lot more on cross departments internally and they don’t really understand what you are doing at all. Communication skills would be very much needed here, and this is great because I believe it’s one of my strength. You would get to see the entire business of how things run as well. And I’m excited to learn about all of that, although I have to admit it can feel lonely at times when no one really knows when you are doing. I had an amazing team which we talked about work all day (and most cases night) long. We always supported each other and gave each other feedback, we tagged each other when there were some interesting news and stats related to digital marketing and so much more. Another thing I am getting adjusted to.

One of the good things now is that, I have more time to read and learn, which is great because they are both my favorite activities! Need to roll my sleeves up and get my hands dirty more from now on for sure as I don’t have a team to fall back on!

Another thing I want to do is try to explore Silom a bit more. It’s a mixture of old and new cultures in this neighborhood here. So far I’ve loved great selection of street food or food in general in all the markets here. Food is cheaper than Sukhumvit but more delicious! Possibly more shopping markets for cheap stuff too. Love it. The whole morning commute for an hour in a packed BTS is brutal though. But hey, you can’t have everything in life, right?

What an endless rambling kind of post (as usual!). Out of sheer boredom (again).

Existential dread: One day at a time

It will never, ever completely go away, I’m almost certain by that. But I’ve just found some ways to alleviate this dread! (Ten exclamation marks wouldn’t cut it!!!!!!!!!!!!)

For a couple of months now, I suspect sticking to exercise is a part of the ritual. If anyone asks me why I exercise, I give them the reasons they expect to hear (And partially true!) “Oh, it helps cure my office syndrome almost completely. I feel amazing with no shoulder pain after I started weight training.” “It gives me strength.” “I feel more energized” Or anything along those lines.

If we are close enough and I presume that you will not look at me like I’m a mad woman, if the conversation flows allowed it, I might admit that there’s some other underlying motive, that I can stick to this exercise routine because, in one way or another, it helps dealing with existential crisis.

“I exercise to escape the existential dread.”

Oh yeah.

Think I’m crazy yet? Maybe, just maybe, I might write another blog post on this, some day.

(Or maybe never).

Exercise helps with the body. But I want to write about something else that I found working for the mind.

Simple enough, I don’t need to look any further. It’s what I already enjoy doing anyway.

Reading good books really helps. Like this one. 

The book speaks to me, as if it can clarify something I have been questioning for so long. There is nothing like it; the feeling of words and sentences of paragraphs after paragraphs smacks you in the face, like it can search deep down in your soul and read your mind (Spooky). Friends are great for support, in a way that they also have struggles of their own, comforting me that “We are all in this together.” It is perfectly normal to feel messed up, to feel like a failure sometimes, even though your life is great and there is nothing wrong with it.

But no one can give me the answers. What makes me feel this way. What causes it. Why I feel the way I do. What is the purpose? What is the point of this, all of this? *Motioning hand in circle*

Psychology and philosophy help. All of this psychoanalysis seems to be exactly what I need. One example that felt poignant to me was when I read the line “One of the most basic human needs is to connect to someone” And then it elaborates on why; the history of humankind, since we were cavemen, the influence of motherly and fatherly love, tribal community and more.

OH, so THAT is the human need? THAT is our nature? Then accept it. Stop feeling like you are some weak creature, or worst guilty, when deep down there are moments you want to connect and be understood and reach out to another human being. You can’t change nature, can you?

If anything, it does help make peace with yourself. Because I see some sort of evidence, some sort of history and theory and explanation unfolding in front of my eyes. Crystallization process. It makes me understand. It gives me knowledge and gets rid of confusion. Knowledge is the power, they say?

Eye-opening. That’s how I’d call it.

I wish to find more good, “life-changing” (Ugh, I always cringe when I hear this word. But this will do for now.) books. It’s truly great for the mind. AND for the soul.

(On another note, I do want to write or summarize some key takeaways from The Art of Loving. Extraordinary book, indeed. Hopefully I’ll get around to it. It’s the kind of book that you should go back and read every year anyway.)

Will have to excuse myself for a more light-hearted book I’m currently reading now, on How to be a person in the world – modern existential advice column that is promised to be really good by a friend who lent me. Because, you know, sometimes you just want to read something real and messed up about other people’s life, not only heavily filtered “amazing” life on your Facebook feed.

Anecdotal Fallacy

Social science seems to be the field I opt to pick from bookshelves in recent years, especially on behavioral economics and cognitive psychology. Be it from Dan Ariely, Daniel Pink, Malcolm Gladwell, I read all those popular books that everyone else is also reading (Yep, a clichéd millennial. Yep, that’s me). 

Ever since I started working and got exposed to much more variety of people, I find the study of human relationships and minds extremely fascinating, simply because it is so complex. Although with enough research you can draw patterns and some conclusions from human behaviors, there is never a one-size-fits-all answer for a single question.

You can’t plug it all into equation – Every time I do X, I will get Y result. 

Which, after I’ve read a few books, sometimes I start to question how much of it is true. For some books, it’s a real struggle to be convinced while reading it. 

Grit: The power of passion and perseverance is one of them. Started off, I got the feeling this could be a great book. The author’s theory on Growing grit from the inside out speaks to me and it successfully convinces me to a certain degree, backed up by research paper and surveys. 

Although it may sound obvious, I do like her theory of hierarchy of goals as it helps put things in structure and sorts out priorities in life in order. She proposes that each of us should have the top-level goal, with a few mid-level, and more low-level goals underneath. The top-level goal should act as your compass, the same ultimate concern. You may call it your life philosophy. 

There are many other factors contributed to growing grit inside out. I personally like the idea of “foster your passion” not “find your passion” This book teaches you not only to fall in love with what you do, but also stay in love with it, which, in my opinion, a much tougher task to achieve. 

Unfortunately, the second half of the book, Growing grit from the outside in, lost my interest rather quickly, to the point that I almost could not force myself to read further! 

Why? 

Because it is full of anecdotal evidences. A lot of “He said, she said” 

The author starts telling exceptional stories of people in different fields, even the story of herself as a mean to convince readers about her theories! I am really not sure what to make of, for Mr.A and Ms.B sucesss stories, and how much (if at all) these can be a representative of the whole population. I might as well can write and give an example of a story from my mother’s friend! 

To me, anecdotal evidence is a major flaw of social science books. However, some of really good books I like, for example, Quiet by Susan Cain, are able to convince me and I feel like the book is written with solid research background and sound evidence, as much as the “soft” science possibly allows it to be. 

I will have to violate The rule of three (possibly upset my Faculty of Arts professor in the process) and offer only two little suggestion of how to convince readers in my humble opinion. Basically because I can’t think of the third suggestion! (Damnit). 

-Summarize key message at the end of each chapter. Make your findings look concrete. I personally love this style as it helps digest the whole book much easier. 

-Reduce anecdotal evidences to the minimum. A few stories could be used to catch readers’ attention to engage with the book emotionally and makes it less academic. But it gets boring very quickly when the author starts each chapter with some extraordinary people’s stories. We give and receive anecdotal evidences in every day lives as it’s such a common fallacy in most of our daily conversations. So, I expect something different when I read. 

I’m not sure if this is the major reason I find a few of these human behavior study books start to sound the same. It could get repetitive over times. Feel free to recommend if you know any good, interesting books. No more anecdotal fallacy, please! 

The Murakami Effect

“Wow,” I thought to myself, after reading the last word of Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and his years of pilgrimage by Haruki Murakami, and stared fixedly at the page. It took me only 2 days to finish (with work in between), simply because I was unable to stop reading. 

The clock on the wall shows it’s almost midnight. 

It’s beyond me to describe this deep…sorrow and unnamed unsettling feelings rising up in my chest. As a result, I was pacing around the room, earphones plugged in my ears playing one song on repeat. In my head, trains of thoughts of nothing in particular kept swirling one after another. I couldn’t quite catch any of them. 

What a weird sensation. 

I vaguely remembered reading Norwegian Wood and how bleak and suffocating the novel made me feel, many years ago. It was too much sorrow, the kind I did not understand at all, back in college years. 

Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki, once again, is full of melancholy and sorrow. As well as nostalgia, loneliness, self-discovery journey, forgiveness, and so much more. 

But this time, this kind of sorrow, I…get it. The feelings go straight to the heart. While I was reading it, many waves of emotions kept hitting me relentlessly. Even made me stunned in the end. 

One thing for certain, I’ve never felt this deeply touched by any novel before. 

“This must be Murakami Effect,” I closed my eyes, trying to yank myself back to reality, silent all chaotic thoughts, and sleep. No more feels, please. 

…

The plot is fairly simple. One day in college, a guy named Tsukuru Tazaki was “expelled” from his closest group of 4 high school friends. They decided to cut him off and did not want to speak to him ever again, with no explanation. For about 7 months, Tsukuru contemplated about nothing but commit suicide. It affected his life so much that he felt scared to be emotionally close with anyone else ever since. 

Sixteen years later, now 36, he is determined to find the truth from all his friends, in the hope to be free from his haunting past and pain. And the journey of discovery begins. 

…

Murakami uses colors as a symbol of alienation in this book and I personally love that. All Tsukuru’s friends and characters in this story have different “colors” attached as a part of their names, except Tsukuru whose name is “colorless” Therefore, he constantly thinks his life is as empty and colorless as the name implies. 

…

Perhaps I know the reason why this novel touched me this much. 

It somewhat resonates what I’m going through, my current state of mind. The book stirred those deep feelings I wasn’t even aware I have left, as well as memories from the past I tried my best to bury underneath, to resurface. It comes out as a mild shock, having to feel it all again because of just one book.  

To put it simply, the story is about a person’s self-discovery journey. It’s about growing up, struggling with pain, trying to overcome the past, and finally accepting, making peace with it. 

You can miss something in the past terribly, like how Tsukuru and his friends admitted that the times that 5 of them spent together was once in a lifetime and nothing could resemble that kind of precious friendship ever since. At the same time, though, you realize how everything has changed so much since then. Even though something terrible that caused you so much pain did happen, once your head begins to wrap around the situation from the present viewpoint, you gradually accept that it’s better things turned out this way, the way it did. 

You lost something once special and meaningful to you, but that is life. Nothing lasts forever. Not even the pain. 

In this novel, it takes 16 years for everybody involved to resolve that pain, 16 years for someone to have the courage to apologize and forgive. 

Tsukuru may think he’s the only one suffering from the situation as he was rejected from the group. But the story tells us that everyone suffers in their own different ways as a consequence, even though all of them leads separate lives. 

…

“You can hide memories but can’t erase the history that produced them.” 

Perhaps I was wrong. We didn’t become desensitized by life as we grow older. We probably are better at hiding it and pretending that things are okay. We are able to feel things deeply still, but in a different way from our youth. The pain lingers longer, leaves us with wounds and scars from the past. 

The sadness is not overpowering us and we no longer weep because of it. 

Instead, it’s etched on our skin and transformed into permanent scars, deeper than before, and eventually becomes a part of who we are. 

“Just read it” – Shoe Dog: A Memoir by the Creator of Nike

Wow. 

Throat constricted. 

Lost for words. 

I’ve got a few tears in my eyes during some parts of the book. But tears were literally streaming down my face when I reached the final chapter of this Nike memoir. 

It would be normal to cry for novels. And I’ve done that too many times. But for the memoir? Real life story? Never have I imagined a real life story could move me this much emotionally. 

Recently, when I’ve read stories of people making efforts after efforts fighting for their passion and belief in some of my books, I’ve got teared up at some certain moments. For some reasons. Funny, isn’t it? 

Grit and perseverance. Somehow, that really moved me. 

In this memoir, Phil Knight words and feelings truly touch my heart. There’s something about his novel-like writing style, almost like I’m reading his diary, while he was sharing his own experiences from day 1 of his Crazy Idea back in 1962. Along the journey, he told us all, unfolding everything in front of us. His writing feels very sincere, even intense, expressing shiny moments and many more dark moments of entrepreneurship. 

He wrote everything without holding back, at least that’s the feeling I’ve got. The reason I probably like this book the most, is that I don’t feel any sugar-coating in his writing. Not even bragging about the success (And it’s Nike we are talking about here!). On the contrary, I feel he is too humble and it’s shown in his writing! If anything, I felt his worries, insecurities, self-doubt, issues after issues to solve, obstacles, fights after fights, along those 20 year journey before the company went public in 1980. He captured the feeling of a start-up owner so perfectly; struggling, feeling lost and unsure of what to do next, but he and his team had been relentless and kept going and going and going, simply because he did not want to lose. 

It reminds me that it’s normal to feel unsure! It’s perfectly ok to feel lost. You have to find the purpose, of what makes it all worth fighting for. This book is a great example of showing why and what they all fight for. 

I feel overwhelmed by the passion and belief that he’s building more than “sports things” Nike is more than business. It’s what connects people, enables people to dream. He believed he has built it, and this is what he was searching for when he was fresh out of college traveling around the world, and first started Nike in 1962. 

But oh boy, was it easy. Of course it never was. The story threw myself in a wrench, when the company got kicked out of the bank, no cash flow (Throwback memories to my first accounting class at 9AM in University of Bath, and Mike our professor yelling “Cash is king”), and the fight with the U.S. government a few years afterwards. Even we all know the outcome that everything was ok in the end, the stress and worries at that time must have been too much to bear. I simply couldn’t imagine. 

Knight used the word “Maybe” a lot. Even when he talked about the iconic swoosh logo (costed $35, designed by a college student), “Not the best, maybe it will grow on me” One chapter after another, I feel his feeling of lost and uncertainty, more than I could count, on those early days of building Nike. 

And he shared his regrets and other mistakes in life as well. It’s a trade-off between work and family, isn’t it? The part when he mentioned that his own son refused to wear Nike shoes because Nike took his dad away almost broke my heart. Imagine his. 

I’ve loved this book so much because it sounds SO REAL. And it speaks directly to the heart. Beautifully written, too. It’s almost like he crafted it. I still try to figure out if Knight did write it himself. But I don’t see any other writer names on and inside the cover. 

This moved me so much that I had to watch some YouTube interview to see what this man is like in person. Nothing striked me more than the clarity of his speech and, is that the determination I see in his eyes? at the age of 78. So well-composed. 

What can I say but read it? Just read it. My best book of 2016 so far. Read it if you wish to be inspired. For anyone. 

Last but not least, I have to thank my long-lost middle school friend who recommended this book under a comment on Facebook, on my photo of the first Nike pair I own posted only a couple weeks ago, Nike free run. For once, I love social media for connecting people together and, this time, making me discover another special, meaningful book. 

On accepting who you are & changing to who you’ve wanted to become

I’ve been in a weird mood and slightly down. It’s ok. Ups and downs are a part of life, you know? I’m embracing, accepting, and not running away from the fact that I’m down. And I know better now that it soon shall pass. However, instead of wailing and whining why I feel down (And I fully know the reason behind it as well), I’ve decided to write something entirely different and focus on positive things instead. Here we go.

On accepting who you are

I’ve always wanted to write about this, ever since I saw a Readery box said “Reading is sexy.”

I was quite amused by it. Speaking from my own experience as a bookworm who loves reading ever since I was very little, reading has never been considered “sexy”

Growing up, it’s anything but.

Because somehow reading feels boring for other people, especially when you are young and adults expect you to be fun, lively and active, just like how kids should behave. More often than not, I’ve heard comments from adults or even friends my age in primary school, talking about me in a tone that implied I just like to read, be shy, and be quiet in my own little world.

And those traits aren’t necessarily desirable as a kid. “Oh, she just likes to be on her own reading. Read: She’s not fun.”

Nevertheless, I kept on reading, even though it was viewed “uncool” At the same time, I smiled a little reluctantly and shyly when I got asked what I liked to do in my free time as a primary school kid. When adults heard that the answer is reading, no one seemed to think it’s a cool or interesting thing to do. So I quickly added other activities, “playing Piano” or something along those lines to distract them and trick them to think I’m not that boring.

The thing is, I’ve never felt reading is cool, and I even tried to leave out details on the kind of books I read or mentioned anything related to books and reading.

Until VERY recently, only these past few years, some things have changed. I’ve slowly come to embrace who I am and what I like to do. Since reading is what I like, I’m going to talk about it and not afraid to share it! Perhaps it’s because we are adults now, and to like reading as an adult seems more “socially acceptable” somehow. I signed up on Goodreads. I’m no longer afraid to let people have a peek on my bookshelves (Would have never imagined I would do that). I’m even telling people, hey, be friend with me on Goodreads if you have the account, I wanna see YOUR bookshelves too.

And I talk about reading way more often now. I’m sharing more and more what I read to other people, if they show interests (You know what, the other day I read this article about…). I’m even more interested if they also share what they are reading, too! One of my favorite questions, usually asked by people who are close to me, is “So what are you reading at the moment?”

You know, it feels great. Accepting who you are, be it cool or uncool, feels great. Reading is a huge part of my life, and I’m letting it be without feeling like I want to hide it away anymore.

On changing to who you’ve wanted to become

I know I’ve written a lot about exercise recently. At the moment, I’m pretty into it and quite passionate about it, mostly because this is such a HUGE transformational change for someone like me. It really is a big deal. Let me tell you why.

Ever since I was little, I was very inactive, I hated P.E. class with burning passion and would skip it whenever I could, I disliked all kinds of sports because I seriously sucked at everything, I hated having to move myself, what I liked to do was sit around and (guess what!) read or use the internet. Or just STAY STILL (literally). My father kept telling me to exercise for the millionth time, in which I never listened.

And once in a while I had this dream that it would be nice to love exercise and be active and energetic. It’s such an opposite of who I am, but it’s a nice thing to be, especially it’s good for your health and your body. Five years ago, I remembered I said this exact sentence out loud to my Japanese friend in Nagoya, she laughed and said “Well, just be one!”

But I never could. I hated it so much that the thoughts of it could kill me. Exercise, ew. Sweating, ew. 

But there had been a gradual change. Initially, it was a broken heart and the desire to be a better, prettier, healthier me a couple years ago that first dragged me to the gym. I started for a couple months, found it boring and still wasn’t into exercise that much, then stopped it altogether for a whole year in England.

Back from England, this time I started again in 2015. Still not into yoga very much, I was just trying to force it to a routine and sticking it out for a year.

This year, though, 2016 is the very first time in life that I can say I enjoy exercise. I love it! I feel guilty if I skip it for too long. In fact, I don’t like how heavy my body feels without exercise. And I love to sweat it out. The feeling after exercise is…everything. I love that energy, I love to feel refreshed and recharged by a dance class or a functional training after a long day at work.

A part of it is because I’ve learned what I like for exercise now. I still don’t like sports, but I’ve found out there are so many other ways to exercise without having to play sports! And it works for me! I wish I could have found out about all these alternative choices out there earlier.

(After hip-hop class. Happy sweating!)

It’s a huge change that I want to tell everyone “I CAN DO IT. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH IT MEANS TO ME,” but nobody would understand. It’s just exercise!? It’s not a big deal, is it!? Anyone can do it, right!? This transformational change, though, has boosted my confidence and made me so, SO proud of myself. This, to me, is a real success, and I’m even more proud than other achievements (like getting first class honors.)

After almost 30 years, I could change myself to something completely opposite of me, to who I’ve always wanted to become. If that’s not amazing, I don’t know what is.

What I learned from building this exercise routine is also my strength: Discipline. It makes me realize anything is possible when I set my heart to it. Because I’ve got this discipline to stick to it! This certainly can apply to other parts of life as well. I’ve gotta believe in myself more.

What inspired me to write this was an Instagram account of VJ Loukkade. I got to see some of her exercise routine video clips, and suddenly she became much, much more beautiful. She loves what she’s doing and it’s shown on her face. She smiles and laughs this bright, cheerful smile; so very natural and real with no detect of fakeness. I don’t know much about her, but I love her energy and this happiness clearly radiated from her face.

I love that. A lot.

I’ve always loved seeing people being passionate about what they do and they lit up like a Christmas tree when they talk about it or do that thing, be it anything. To me, it’s one of the most amazing things to see or hear. I do admire that kind of people.

Phew, long post. At least it’s good to channel my angst and write about something positive instead!

My first Kindle review: Going digital on reading *gasp*

A year or even a couple months ago, if you told me one day I’d buy a Kindle, I’d laugh at you. In your face.

I started reading words and sentences since I was 3. Read the “real” books with no pictures like those kids books since I was about 5. And never really stopped since. Reading has been such a huge part of my life I can never live without; holding so much more sentimental meanings than you could ever imagine. For me. 

The fact that I would abandon my books; physical books with paper, my over 20-year-long time companion, is way beyond me. Until recently, I could never have imagined I would go “digital” on reading. 

So what was the turning point?

What got me to see a Kindle close-up for the first time is my boyfriend who has a Kindle and constantly teased me how cruel and ancient I am to be a “tree killer” Jokingly, it had been our endless battle. I remained stubborn through all accounts, yelling “You don’t mess with MY books, I don’t mess with YOURS,” and turned deaf to all comments while burying my nose in my *physical* books. However, my interest was slightly piqued on a few occasions I got to observe and play with his Kindle. First thing I noticed was the screen was totally glare-free, unlike any other tablets. To my own ignorance on digital reading world, I didn’t know this before. Kindle is also not available in Thailand, so I never got the chance to check out the actual model. 

Kindle looks interesting alright, I finally admitted (to myself, never to him, of course). But I wouldn’t go out of my way just to buy a Kindle, since it’s not available in Thailand, I made a vow to myself. 

The real turning point though? It was when my colleague was about to go back to her hometown and offered to pick up a Kindle for me, if I wanted to place an order. 

Ah, I was so torn. 

And a week later, after DAYS of researching, asking people whether to get a 2,700 THB Basic or a 5,200 THB Paperwhite, whining to boyfriend (“They even have a White Kindle! OMG, what to pick now!?”), listing pros and cons between 2 models, watching YouTube reviews, and being indecisive for a while (Yes I’m an overthinking, indecisive nerd, if you can’t tell by now), THIS finally happened. 

Hi there, Paperwhite! 

The best part, though, is my pink cover 😀 I’m perhaps more excited about the cover than the Kindle itself. I have a weakness for pink, you see…

I got it right after Songkran. Currently reading 60% of my first book on Kindle. Here’s my little review on the whole experience. 

Shape and size

This is the main reason I finally jumped to a Kindle bandwagon. Recently I’ve read a lot more non-fictions and, unlike paperback fictions, they come in huge sizes. Not practical to carry around. These past couple months I’ve started building a habit of reading during my morning commute, and having to carry and read a big book on a super crowded BTS is much less than ideal. 

Kindle has fixed all these problems very nicely. I can fold it to fit in one hand. No need to worry about not being able to turn pages on the crowded train anymore. Also it is light and compact enough to fit in my purse easily. Huge bonus points.

Book Selection

These past couple months I experienced some frustration that many Kinokuniya branches, my most favorite bookstore EVER, more frequently than not, don’t have the books I want to read. I went in one day, gave them a list of 4-5 books I wanted to read, but almost all of them are out of stock or I have to order and wait for weeks before it arrives. Nope, not gonna do that. If I want to read something, it’d better be available now! 

Kindle store solved this problem, obviously. Everything is in there, every books is only 1-click away, and purchasing a book has never been easier. In fact, it is SO easy that it’s kind of scary if I push the button by mistake. But that’s Amazon and their genius 1 click purchase for you, huh? 

Reading experience

Having said all the positive things above, you may have thought I regret not going digital way earlier. Well, honestly, not quite. The reading experience feels different now. No matter what, this modern technology with fancy screen cannot replace the experience of touching the paper and holding the actual book in your hand. Holding a book to read gives me comfort, while this device feels so…bland. There’s zero sentiment attached to it, while there are too many sentiments attached to reading the real books. 

Perhaps I also find reading the real book a good way to escape from screen-oriented world we are now living in. It’s a nice escape too, and I miss that. 

Not to mention the experience of going into the bookstore and browsing books before purchase. Nothing can beat that either. Kinokuniya feels almost like my…sanctuary; walking in, the familiar smell of paper and books, the sight of rows after rows of book shelves, the comfort, the countless possibilities of new worlds waiting to be discovered right there in front of you, waiting for you to pick out…

What can I say? My books and I have always been in serious business, deep attachment, since the 90s. 

My verdict? There’s no absolute choice in choosing what you want to enjoy, is it? I may go back and buy actual books again; reliving my most favorite experience of browsing and holding a book in my hand, while some days I may just be happy reading on Kindle; cherishing the convenience of it all. 

Most of all, I’m grateful I can alternate between both worlds at ease now. No stubbornness or closemindedness, I’m just utilizing what is best for me from both physical and digital reading experiences.